BSA13 - Pack,
Troop, & Crew 13BSA13 - Pack,
Troop, & Crew 13|
Scout Humor |
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Scout Humor 15 Steps to Build a Campfire 1) Split dead limb into fragments and shave fragments into slivers. 2) Bandage left thumb. 3) Chop other fragments into smaller fragments. 4) Bandage left foot. 5) Make structure of slivers (including those embedded in hand.). 6) Light match. 7) Light match. 8) Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. 9) Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments and blow gently into base of flames. 10) Apply burn ointment to nose. 11) When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12) Upon discovery that fire has gone out during your absence, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene". 13) Treat face and arms for second degree burns, and relabel can to read "gasoline". 14) When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 15) When thunderstorm has passed, repeat steps 1-14. You might be taking your scouting too serious if: You buy that '89 Chevy Caprice because you really like that fleur di lis hood ornament. Your favorite color is "olive drab". You decide to lash together the new deck on the back of your house. You plan to serve foil meals at your next dinner party. You walk the streets in broad daylight with a coffee cup and flashlight hanging from your belt. You raise your hand in the scout sign at a heated business meeting. You were arrested by airport security because you wouldn't give up your official BSA pocket knife until the cop said "thank you". You didn't mind losing power to your house for three days. Your son hides his copy of Boy's life from you. Your plans for remodeling the bathroom include digging the hole deeper. You trade your 25 foot center console fishing boat in on that great little 15 foot canoe. Your favorite movie is "Follow Me Boys" staring Fred MacMurry, and you spent months trying to convince Disney to release it on home video. You managed to find that 8th day in the week. Your patron saint is Ward Cleaver. You disconnect the automatic dishwasher in favor of the "3 pot method." You sneak a cup of "bug juice" after the troop turns in for the night. You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together. Latrines at camp start becoming comfortable. You felt you won a moral victory when BSA brought back knee socks. You think campaign hats are cool. You gave your wife a mummy bag rated for -15 deg F for Christmas. You name one of your kids Baden. Your favorite tune is "Camp Granada" (hello mudda.....hello fadda) by Allen Sherman. You can recite the 12 points of the Scout Law backwards, in order, in 3 seconds flat. You bought 10,000 shares of Coleman stock on an inside tip they were about to release a microwave accessory for their camp stove line. You can't eat eggs anymore unless they are cooked in a zip-locked bag. You plan to get rich by writing a best selling Dutch Oven cook book. You took a chemistry course at the local college to help you develop a better fire starter. You actually own a left-handed smoke shifter. The height of your social season is the district recognition dinner. A trip to Philmont is a pilgrimage. Your are convinced the center of the universe is Irving, Texas. The sales operators at the BSA distribution Center's 800 number recognize your voice. Singing "Scout Vespers" makes you cry uncontrollably. You were disappointed when Scouting magazine didn't win the Pulitzer Prize last year. The Scouts in your troop chipped in to have you abducted by a professional cult de-programmer.
A Letter From Camp... Dear Mom, Our Scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken, he said they got sick that way with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and become our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Anthony PS: When did I get my last tetnus shot? Camping Hints... When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant. Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants. A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes. The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills. While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle. Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience. Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match. You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass. You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese. The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by Tibetan veterinarians. When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on. Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone. A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup. A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck. In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear. The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling. The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle. It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home. Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears. Send your Scout Humor to BSA13 & we'll post it on this page!!! |
